My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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