so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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