When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
