Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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