remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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