brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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