No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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