yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
