When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
