smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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