i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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