There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
