all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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