Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i need an iv and a liver transplant
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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