I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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