Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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