so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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