she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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