handjob tips. give me some.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
