nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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