I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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