also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
