I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize