My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
