she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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