can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
