They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
