Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
