ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
