You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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