laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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