So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
