i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
