I feel like abortions should bother me more
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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