Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
