you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
