the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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