The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
