I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
