I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
