found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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