now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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