you guys were way drunker than both of me
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
