haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
