I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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