mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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