I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
