Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
His nipple licking is glorious
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