it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
