it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
