so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
