I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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