I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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