what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
