??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
