one word: firstdatebathroomanal
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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