I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
