So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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