I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
