It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
