don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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