ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
