my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
