shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Also, beer. Big fan.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
