I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
