i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
