so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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