She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
