Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
