So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
