My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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