It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
