walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
That reminds me...we need to get swords
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
