Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
