We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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