Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
