Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
