don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
