Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
