I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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