i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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