Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
