It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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