I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize